The Benefits of Audiobooks – Let’s be Practical

Benefits of Audiobooks

I used to be an avid reader many years ago, especially before kids! Now I have 4 adorable children with one of those darlings now an adult. If any of you have children you might relate to how challenging it is to get the chance to read. Especially by the time it’s bedtime, Some of us don’t have the energy to stay awake reading. Daytime is spent running around doing errands, housework or working which takes away precious reading time. Plus, when I find a good book, it’s hard to put down so can spend too much time reading instead of ticking off my to-do list. Over the years, I’ve really missed not being able to read books. Until now. I’ve discovered audiobooks perhaps later than others, but I am glad I finally have. Books are now on AUDIO! Woohoo! This makes life that little bit easier, so allow me to share with you the benefits of audiobooks and show you how to incorporate them into your life.

Learning Styles

If you are reading for the benefit of learning, it can be quite a challenge for some people who don’t have an auditory style of learning. What I mean by this is, that we all have a particular learning style. The most common is visual. Many of us fit into visual but what if you have an auditory style of learning? This makes it harder if you need to read something but find it hard to concentrate due to either the content of the book or you’re struggling because you have an auditory style of learning. Until now that is. You can download audiobooks instead as an alternative to reading books. This will allow you to learn using your preferred learning style instead of struggle.

Time Management

With so many of us burning the candle at both ends, rushing from one activity to the next, we just don’t find time to sit quietly and read something of value. Having an audiobook, however, would be the perfect time to pop in the headphones and utilize our time effectively listening to an audiobook. This will help make it easier to learn something new while doing our errands.

I know people who have to travel for an hour or longer to work. Being able to listen to an audiobook will help you use your time efficiently on your way to and from work.

Holiday Travel Time

Maybe even on your holiday, you can zone out listening to an audiobook instead of taking your book everywhere with you. In particular while making your way to your destination. Whether you’re driving or the passenger, being able to listen to an audiobook can help you get the chance to listen to a book you’ve been wanting to read but haven’t had the chance as yet.

Books Are Bulky

The bulkiness of books can also be a hindrance, especially when going from one place to the other. I don’t know about you, but if I have a couple of books on the go, I don’t want to have to decide which one to take with me to work or on holiday and increase the weight of my bag. At least when you’ve got your books on your device, you can take your library of books where ever you go and they won’t weigh you down. Also, you don’t have to make a decision on which one you want to take with you. You will have to decide at some point though when you press play on your book :).

Minimalist’s Dream

Having Audiobooks can also be a minimalist’s dream! I have many friends who are minimalist. I’m sure they will be nodding their heads in agreement. Books can take up a lot of space which can be too much for a minimalist. By having them stored on your device instead, you reduce the amount of space they can take up in your home. It also means less dust :).

Vision Impaired

Having audiobooks available now is a blessing for those who are vision impaired. Audiobooks have been around for a long time for the vision impaired, however, the number of books was limited until the boom of technology.

Disinterested Readers

Did you know that there are people out there who aren’t even interested in reading? I didn’t until one of my children came under that definition. So it’s been a challenge encouraging her to read. Now, however, she can listen to books alongside her learning how to read. You might be worried that using audiobooks for children might impact their ability to learn how to read. If they are still exposed to doing the school curriculum and practicing alongside audiobooks, it can actually help build their interest in reading along with the book.

Another benefit of audiobooks is they can also help build on critical thinking. So fear not, your child can still learn valuable skills when listening to audiobooks. Audiobooks can also help improve memory and learning.

Attention span

While listening to audiobooks, one’s ability to focus is enhanced, thus increasing one’s attention span. With so many children struggling to focus, incorporating audiobooks into one’s daily routine could help improve their attention span.

Annunciation and Fluency

When listening to an audiobook you can also hear how words are said, as well as the pace and intonations of sentences. This can help build on how to read with fluency and say the words clearly. this can be helpful for children and young people, as well as those learning English as a second language.

Mental Health

As a parent, and perhaps when you were little yourself, reading to young children has a warmth and connection from the caregiver/reader who’s voice and presence is comforting as they read stories. Storytime can be a calming and comforting time for children. This fosters a love for listening to stories, as well as having a positive connection with.

Stress Relief

It helps relieve stress and takes your focus off everyday stress and thoughts around this and redirects those thoughts to what you’re listening to.

Different Senses

In a world so driven by technology and visual overstimulation using your hearing sense gives you a break from using the visual sense and helps your eyes relax.

Shifts Negativity

Our minds are flooded with negativity. By listening to audiobooks it makes us shift where our negative thoughts are focussed on and instead allows room for alternative emotions.

Heart Mindfully’s focus is within the realm of Mental Health and Wellbeing. We focus on self-love, self-care, self-awareness and being present. There are also books that can help with various aspects of one’s wellbeing and emotional health. Here are a few of the audiobooks that I feel are relevant to this website’s focus…

Final Words

So by considering getting audiobooks into your life, you will have heaps of practical benefits as well as mental health benefits to suit everyone in your family. Fear not that it takes away one’s ability to read. If anything it is a valuable tool in helping build interest in reading, increasing one’s critical thinking, and memory. Audiobooks are also time-saving and save on space.

Do you have any questions or experiences with audiobooks? Share your thoughts below.

September 12, 2019October 10, 2019

How to Practice Self Love and Why it Matters

How to Practice Self Love

Learning to love oneself is one of the most powerful things you can do for yourself. Being human comes with all sorts of challenges. We make mistakes daily, we don’t get things finished that we want done, maybe we have awesome days too! So much can happen in one day and throughout a lifetime. But if we struggle to love who we are and aspects about ourselves, we miss out on so much that life can offer. Learning how to practice self-love can be such a valuable part of our living experience on this planet. What we show to the world around us is a reflection of how we feel about ourselves.

What is Self Love

Self love is not narcissistic as some might believe. When we don’t love ourselves, our mind turns against us which creates havoc with our mental health and wellbeing.

Self Love is to deeply love yourself with a strength no matter what. When we have a healthy attitude towards ourselves, we foster our own self-worth, self-acceptance, and self-love. Practicing self-love is also essential for healthy relationships.

Love Yourself First

As a parent, I know how hard it is to be the best parent I want to be. If I am not able to love myself, how am I going to pass on positive self-esteem and self-love to my children. Children absorb so much from us, things we wouldn’t even expect. Even learning how to love oneself is a valuable skill that is learnt from our environment. When we don’t love ourselves, it will have more likelihood to have a negative impact on our children. Whether we teach them otherwise or not. No matter what we think we are teaching our children, they pick up on even subtle things. So if you are mindful of how to love yourself, you will give out a positive vibration to those around you.

Also, if you don’t look after yourself, which is closely connected with self-love, then you won’t be able to look after others around you.

What about if you are single? It’s still going to make a big difference in your life if you practice self-love than if you don’t. How do you think you will attract people into your life friends or a partner if you don’t love yourself? As humans, we need a social connection with others, it’s how we are made up. It’s one of the pillars of well being. For more information on the Pillars of Wellbeing, check out this post where I discuss it in greater detail.

Negative Opinions of Others

When others share their negative opinion about you, it’s very hard not to have it get under your skin. This is a trigger for me personally, so I know it’s hard when it does happen.

I’ve learnt through living these experiences not to take it personally. My self worth is more than someone else’s opinion. That being said, I go through hundreds of questions about what the other person has said to the point where I question everything about my choices.

Then, I realize it’s not about me. Whatever that person has said is about themselves. They are having a negative reaction to something going on in their own life. They are projecting something about themselves and throwing it out to the world. If it’s directed at me, then I think to myself, what is it about me that is triggering this response from them? What are they struggling within themselves that they perceive as being related to me somehow? And you know what, every time I go through this process, it has always led to them having something going on in their lives in some way. This process also helps my brain settle down with all of the negative thought patterns that arise once I remember it’s their stuff.

The main thing to realize is how you continue to be yourself instead of relying on someone else’s faulty opinion. What is your self worth? Your opinion of yourself isn’t tied to someone else’s opinion. so don’t allow it to be. This is where you will be affected unnecessarily. It’s not their life, this is your life and no one has the right to take how you see and feel about yourself away from you.

Accept that you can’t change them. Only yourself, so don’t let them push you around. Set boundaries around how you are treated by others. Don’t give them any power to change how you see yourself or affect what you think. Choose how you want to live, how you want to do things your way without anyone else’s negativity.

Acceptance

When we don’t accept ourselves, we engage in an ongoing internal battle that will just keep going endlessly until we make a conscious choice to let go of the resistance. Have you ever noticed that when a thought keeps running round and round in your mind about yourself, you try to push it away, or you have a negative response to yourself. I’ll show you a snippet into my mind when I was younger…

Thoughts: “Uggh, I hate my freckles. I wish they weren’t there. I’m so over them. They make me look weird. I just want to cover them up, Winter is my friend so I don’t have to expose these stupid freckles.”

What is going on here with all of those unnecessary, irrelevant thoughts that keep running on replay, over and over again, with no end in sight? What am I doing to myself?

What’s happening is that I’m resisting their existence. I’m fighting with my thoughts about the fact that they are there, and they are something that I’m not happy about. So the endless thoughts keep barraging my brain which if left unchecked will contribute to more than just negativity. It will be a struggle to accept myself the way I am.

The negative thoughts are reinforcing more negative thoughts. This also creates an emotional response to the thoughts, which feed into the next thoughts. This actually used to happen in my mind when I was younger. I was so embarrassed by the freckles, I used to try to cover them up and try not to get too much attention to them. Fortunately, I’m older and wiser and have learned a thing or two about dealing with such negative thoughts and nurturing self-love.

When one isn’t accepting of something, in this case, my freckles, then it causes discomfort, negativity, self-consciousness, and a wide range of other feelings. This can have a big impact on how one views oneself and feel about oneself.

Now if we practice acceptance, the tug-of-war stops, the war on hating oneself evaporates.

Here’s one way of how to practice acceptance…

Thought: Uggh, I hate these freckles.

Acceptance: Hmm, okay, the freckles are a part of me. I can’t stop them from being there once I get them. I have fair skin, so it’s inevitable that I will get some freckles. It’s okay to have freckles. They aren’t ugly. Some people say they’re cute. It really doesn’t matter whether they are there or not. they are part of me, so I am okay to have them there. I will accept them being a part of me.

This creates less of an internal argument within myself and instead creates acceptance.

Acceptance Exercise

Here’s an exercise you can try for yourself.

Think about an aspect of yourself that you struggle to accept. Okay, now with that thought, imagine it floating up to the sky in a bubble. You watch it float up to the clouds. You watch it sit on the clouds. It moves with the movement of the clouds. Stay with it and watch it for as long as you want to.

What did you notice while you did that floating thoughts exercise?

I’m going to guess that you may have found yourself fighting less with the thought being there in your mind and created distance between the thought and your observer part of your mind. This exercise allows you to let go of the struggle with the thought you’re not happy with and allows you to sit with it. You can do this exercise with any thoughts you are struggling with.

The key here is learning how to sit with the thoughts that make it hard to accept. When acceptance happens, the fight reduces and creates a sense of calm. When we can accept ourselves, we can learn to love ourselves deeper and with greater self-awareness. I’m not saying this happens overnight. It’s something to practice on a regular basis so you can learn to love yourself. You are human with all of our imperfections and troubles. Learning to love and accept yourself is a valuable skill that can be learned and nourished.

“We all make mistakes, it’s how we respond to those mistakes that will determine our direction” ~kat

Negative Self Talk

How many times to do you say something to yourself which has a negative tone? We all have a negative self-critic. Its whether we decide to listen to it or not. Become more aware of what our inner voice is saying to ourselves. It can take some time before we notice it and get used to hearing it. Once you are aware of it, try to write down when you notice the negative thoughts. This will give you an insight into how frequently your inner critic has been actively contributing to your negativity.

Don’t be hard on yourself once you discover this internal world if you didn’t realize it before. Growing in self-love and self-acceptance takes time. It’s a process that doesn’t happen overnight. If you’ve been hating on yourself for years, then give yourself a break and be kind to yourself. By being more aware and taking small steps towards a more positive you, things will change and shift over time.

Practice noticing your thoughts daily – write some in a journal when you become aware of them. It’s important not to keep feeding into those thoughts, simply notice it, record it, then keep doing what you were doing. See how many times you might notice any negativity.

Allow me to share a relevant quote from Louise Hay. She said,

“Whatever is happening out there is only a mirror of our own inner thinking.” Louise Hays

When our inner world is negative it will show through in many areas of our lives.

Make a Commitment to Love Yourself

This means you need to make the decision to keep working through the process of learning to love yourself, even on bad days. Cos bad days do happen. If you’ve committed to working on developing and building on yourself love, then this will help you be consistent and it will improve how you feel about yourself.

Reframe It

Once you’ve kept a record of your negative self talk for at least a few days so that you don’t dwell and get stuck on those thoughts. you can create a list of how to reframe those thoughts into something more positive.

For example, let’s say you had the thought,

“I’m so useless with this subject, I’m so dumb at this.’

Reframe it to, “I’m aware that I’m finding this subject challenging and I choose to speak with my teacher about it in the morning. I am working hard and concentrating on this work. I’ve already done some of the work and understand some parts.

Practice Mindfulness

Through the practice of mindfulness, you can become more aware of your thoughts and manage them with focus and kindness. Acknowledge their presence but don’t have a discussion with yourself over them being there. It’s okay to have thoughts, they are normal. The trick is to not engage with them, get angry with them for being there or push them away.

Forgive Yourself

We all make mistakes. We are usually tougher on ourselves than others. This creates an unkind internal world that decimates self-love. Especially if we are prone to dwell on these mistakes. Think about it this way, would you forgive your friend for the same thing you’re upset wit yourself about? If so, then be kind to yourself too and forgive yourself. You’re human and it’s okay to not be perfect.

Many of us are busy and have high aspirations which can lead to high expectations. When this gets challenging it’s common for many to criticize themselves which can have a strong impact on mental wellbeing and love for yourself. Many perfectionists tend to be prone to this type of inner criticism which can wreak havoc on self-love.

Hypnosis Nurture Self Love

Hypnosis is a valuable tool in helping to shift thought patterns that may impact how we feel about ourselves. Especially at the subconscious level.

If negative self talk, a strong inner critic and being unkind to yourself has been an ongoing theme for you, it might take multiple approaches to address changing this pattern. Hypnosis is a very effective way of accessing the subconscious mind and help you adapt new behaviours and changes that you might struggle to do without this additional tool.

Below is just a few that are offered through ehypnosis.com In particular, the self-esteem hypnosis as well as connecting with your body can help one increase self-acceptance and self-love.

Inner Peace Hypnosis

Find Your Inner Peace For Women Hypnosis

Learn To Forgive Hypnosis

Boost Your Self-esteem Hypnosis

Connect To Your Body Hypnosis

Stop Overthinking Hypnosis

Practice Self Care

I value self-care immensely. It’s the action of doing something you enjoy for yourself, not for anyone else. Something that nurtures you, that you relate to and have an interest in.

It might be yoga or going for a walk before everyone gets up. Be sure to look after yourself so you can look after others around you. This also fosters and builds on your self-love and compassion.

Summary

So in order to nurture you and build on your self-love, take action and work out your plan on how to practice self-love in your own way.

Remember to be kind to yourself, be kind to others, and accept the wonderful person you really are. Learn to love your imperfections.

August 6, 2019August 13, 2019

Create a Meditation Space – For Calm and Tranquility

Meditating for Inner Peace – Create a Meditation Space

When you meditate it can be a bit difficult to get in the zone sometimes, especially if you’ve been actively running around or feeling super anxious or down.

It can help to have a space that’s been carefully and lovingly created just for your peace of mind.

This is where creating your own meditation space comes into play.

Benefits of Having a Dedicated Meditation Space

Helps you get in the zone. When we have a space that is conducive to meditation, it helps us to surrender to sitting still. It helps create the atmosphere for getting into that way of thinking and prepare your mind for some me time.

Creating a meditation space facilitates a sense of calm and peacefulness to allow your thoughts to slow down and you can focus on being in the moment. Being in the moment is important for managing anxiety as discussed in this post.

It can be reminder for you to practice meditation on a daily basis.

You can also look forward to your meditation as it’s a space that you have created with your own tastes and preferences in mind.

It’s more focussed on meditation making it less likely that you will be distracted by other competing demands in your world.

It is also one way to practice your self care strategies to help manage anxiety levels. For more information you might like to read this post.

Why Meditate?

Research shows again and again how valuable meditation is for our mental health and wellbeing.

In today’s way of living, stress is very high for so many people causing increased physical as well as mental illness. Meditation is an inexpensive tool that can be practiced on a daily basis in a number of different ways.

It has been shown to reduce the stress hormones of cortisol and adrenaline which are the hormones involved in the fight or flight nervous systems of our bodies. Although this bodily response is valuable to help us either fight or run away from a threatening situation, it isn’t helpful when we experience this state in an ongoing way. So in order to be able to manage your ability to cope with the daily stresses you are exposed to, it helps to develop a routine of meditating daily.

How to Create Your Meditation Space

Choose an Area

First choose an area in your home where you can have at least a bit of space to put a cushion and some shelving of some kind.

This will be important in helping you create somewhere comfortable to sit or lie down.

Your meditation space will need to be an area that you can keep as your own space, that will have less likelihood of having interruptions. Although even if it’s in a more public space of your home, it can be an addition to your home’s style and create a sense of tranquility for those who visit too.

Have Some Soothing Aromas

This might be incense sticks. Be sure to use a holder designed to catch the ash residue.
You might like to have an oil burner to create a calming space using essential oils.
Or perhaps you enjoy scented candles.

The choice is yours. Personally I love incense, but occasionally I also get out my relaxing essential oils.

The ones that facilitate lowering stress levels also help create a calm space.

These include:

ylang ylang
lavender
bergamot
basil
geranium
vanilla
rose
German chamomile

Inspiring Decor

Adorn your space with items that you enjoy and appeal to you that can create a sense of safety, relaxation with your own personal touches. What kinds of things represent you and your personality. This helps you relax while meditating and feel comfortable being in your own space and will make the meditation process flow easily.

Use Meditation Malas

These are beads that help you maintain deep focus while practicing your meditation. They help to enhance your energy and help you channel the mantra you might use during your meditation. Not everyone uses these, but they can be helpful in getting into the zone of meditation, particularly as you go through mantras. As you move through your mala beads, they help you know when your meditation will end without sudden sounds or vibrations by electronics. Allowing you to embrace your meditation time without interruption.

Meditate with guidance or use a Mantra

Meditation can be guided where you are talked through to help you relax and concentrate on calming your mind while you lower your heart rate and slow down your breathing. Here’s some you might consider.

Mantras are chants that help you focus on what you want to achieve in that moment. It can be repeated inside your mind or out loud. It can be what your intention or purpose is at that moment of time for you.

Running Water

If you have the space for a fountain, consider incorporating one in your meditation space. The sense of tranquility the sounds of running water can have have facilitates profound effects on how we feel. Have you ever been to a rainforest or creek bed that has natural running water? These sounds of nature are very calming and tranquil, so bringing these sounds into your home can have a positive effect on your mood and sense of peace. Using our senses are an easily accessible way to also calm how we feel. There’s more information about this here.

Final words

So if you are struggling to remember to meditate on a regular basis, consider creating a meditation space for yourself. It is a memory cue to remind you to engage in self care and has numerous benefits for you wellbeing to practice on a regular basis. It can also have a calming effect simply looking at the space you have created for yourself. You can feel proud of your choices in include in this space that brings you joy. It also helps facilitate a sense of serenity and calm.

Namaste

July 11, 2019July 11, 2019

Self Soothing Techniques – shift uncomfortable feelings

Self Soothing Techniques

Self soothing techniques can be helpful if you’re experiencing high anxiety or strong negative feelings. It’s also a useful technique for anyone who wants to shift how they feel. It’s gentle and helps redirect the thoughts where the emotions may have come from. Life happens, as we all know, but sometimes, feelings happen which can be difficult to sit with, so if you need some extra tools to allow the feelings to sit with you, these self soothing techniques can come in useful.

This is a strategy used by many therapists to help someone who is experiencing high anxiety, or overwhelming feelings to engage to bring them back down to a calmer state. For some people, there is a lower tolerance to stress so they have a heightened experience of negative feelings in response to this lower tolerance. This can wreak havoc on one’s senses, emotions and behaviours.

It’s a technique drawn from Dialectical Behaviour therapy designed to manage what’s known as Distress Tolerance. It can also help anyone who experiences negative feelings and struggling to sit with those feelings. It can be hard to sit with feelings when they’re uncomfortable. Being human means we come with a wide range of emotions. That means sometimes when life happens, we might feel these not so good feelings. When that happens and it’s hard to shift them, put some of these strategies in place as a way to help you shift those feelings, while finding a way to accept them being there.

For those who experience these negative feelings, it helps to recognise and accept that sometimes you will feel some negative and not so good feelings. It’s normal to experience uncomfortable feelings sometimes, and reassure yourself that it’s okay. Accept that there will be times when you feel uncomfortable, and can’t change the situation. To help you work through these times, practice using these self soothing techniques.

Use of Senses

When applying self soothing techniques, you use your senses to help you focus on something else. This has a nurturing effect on your soul.

Sight

Have a look around you and notice things in your space. In particular, look for things that appeal to you.

Print out a picture that helps you feel comfortable and calm.

Reading a positive quote can also work, here’s a highly regarded program to get you started.

Other ideas include:

Think about your favorite colour. Even if you can’t see it, think about how it looks and picture it in your mind.
What is your favorite flower? Visualise how this might look to you. Notice what color they are, it’s shape, which environment does it look it’s best etc.
Look at favorite artwork or photo.
Find a mandala to focus on that you enjoy.
Read poetry or a feel good story

Sound

Think about something you enjoy hearing the sounds of. It’s about things that make you feel happy and calm. Do a search, or have already saved on your device your favorite sounds.

Examples of use of sound for self soothing

Sounds of nature such as waves at the beach
sounds of the rainforest
Waterfall
A baby laughing
Music – favourite songs,
Play an instrument or listen to classical music
Listen to birds
The sound of bubbles in a fish tank
Movement of water in a stream
The sound of rain on the roof

Touch

Give someone a hug. This helps your brain release oxytocin which is higher in women. It is also released simply being near someone. When oxytocin is released, it helps reduce blood pressure, and the stress hormone norepinephrine. Which in turn will help you shift how you feel through this shift in hormones released. You can even give yourself a hug. The body simply senses the touch, not who’s doing it, so hugging yourself is okay too and can have a calming effect.

Other ideas include:

Get a massage as this is also shown to help boost happy hormones. Read more about this here.
Hug or hold your pet. Pets have a very effective way of helping us ground ourselves. Notice how they feel, their texture, temperature, movements etc. I’ve also written a post about how having a pet can help us manage our emotions here.
Put on moisturiser or body oil and notice how it feels as you apply it.
Find a soft fluffy blanket to snuggle with and wrap around you for comfort.
Sink your feet into the sand at the beach or the grass and connect with nature.
Sit in a spa or pool and feel the water movement around you.

Smell

What is your favorite smell? See if you can have it on hand for times when you need to self soothe and manage how you feel using this technique. Having some essential oils can be really handy to help you have ready for times when you need to practice some self soothing techniques.

Smells you might like to have access to are

roses and flowers
essential oils such as lavender, vanilla, geranium which are all calming and relaxing oils used to calm the mind.
smell of the beach, perhaps go for a drive or trip to the beach if it’s nearby to give you the chance to smell the sea air.
rainforests also have a fresh, calming smell of their own
the fresh smell of cut grass (for those not allergic to grass anyway)
the smell of baking a cake is also calming
the smell of chocolate

Taste

Our taste buds can also be helpful in shifting our focus on the emotional aspects of our current experience, Here you might want to consider tasting something you enjoy. Be mindful not to over indulge especially in sugary or processed foods. If you are prone to comfort eating, avoid this strategy and try one of the ones above or focus on the healthy options such as tea or coffee.

Examples include:

a hot cup of tea, coffee or chocolate
the taste of something that’s vanilla as vanilla has a calming effect. My personal favorite is keto vanilla custard
chocolate is also a popular taste. Just don’t over indulge as you might feel worse for it.
a nice herbal tea and notice the tastes of the herbs used in it. This might include berries, chamomile, citrus flavors.
Green tea has also been shown to lower anxiety and have a calming effect due to its antioxidants, and polyphenols that are contained in the leaves of the tea. So enjoy the taste and get some relaxation in the process.
Enjoy your favorite meal or try some new tastes and focus on it.

Support with Self Soothing

To have some brightly coloured reminders for your phone or to print out for yourself, click on the link below.

Final words

I hope this can help manage feelings when they become overwhelming and you find yourself struggling to keep calm from so many emotions.

When we use our senses it can trick our brains so we focus on something else. It also allows our brains to use other parts that don’t require thinking by using the senses instead. Keep this in mind for if you are prone to stressful situations, or have been having a hard time. We can’t always control how we respond emotionally to a situation, but we can self soothe to give us comfort to help us get through the challenges life might throw at us.

July 2, 2019

7 Grounding Techniques to Help With Anxiety

Grounding Techniques to Help with Anxiety

Grounding is a way to bring oneself back to the present moment, the here and now. Many people can experience anxiety and thoughts that are either in the future or past. Often people who experienced trauma during childhood could have flashbacks that can make them feel like they’re back when the event happened. Here we will discuss grounding techniques to help with anxiety and bring one to the present moment.

Anxiety can also be future oriented thinking, in particular ‘what if’ thoughts which can also increase anxiety. Grounding can help with this too by focusing on the present instead of the future which hasn’t happened yet.

When experiencing anxiety and flashbacks, it’s important to focus on self care. .For ideas on managing self care, have a read through one of my other posts.

Breathe

You might notice that breathing comes up a lot as a strategy to manage big feelings. This is because when we are having strong feelings, our breathing gets faster and more shallow without us being aware of it. So we need to keep remembering to breathe. It also helps as a grounding strategy as you will soon see.

Breathing Techniques

Focussing on your breath helps ground you. This is because it makes us think about how we breathe while also making us focus on this moment. You can’t breathe a breath from the past, you can’t breathe a breath from the future, you can only breathe in the now. Hence using the breath to anchor you into the here and now.

5, 2, Release Strategy

My favourite breathing technique which has helped many of my clients is the 5, 2, release strategy.

This is where you count to 5 as you breathe in. It doesn’t have to be a deep breath, but it’s longer than a normal breath. Then hold for 2 seconds. This helps cleanse the lymphatic system, then release for as long as you need to slowly. Notice the moment between the out breath and the in breath. Then breath in again counting to 5.

If you are struggling to do 5 seconds breath in, then start with 4 and work up to 5 or longer.

The main thing to focus on here is slowing down your breathing so that it can help you relax.

While you are doing this exercise also become aware of how your body moves as you breathe in then out. Notice the temperature of the air on your nostrils as you breathe in. Then notice the temperature as you breathe out and how it’s different.

When working on breathing imagine filling up your belly like it’s a balloon as you breathe in.

Blow out the Candles

This is perfect for younger children as they have great imaginations, Thinking about candles helps them think about something else other than the thing that they’re getting worried about.

Hold your hand up in front of the child. Next, wiggle your fingers in front of them and say to the child, ‘imagine that there’s candles on your hand’ as you wiggle them. Then tell your child to blow out the candles.

Blow up a balloon.

Using imagination again, encourage your child in front of you to imagine blowing up a balloon with their hands in front of them. This encourages them to draw a big breath in and then blow out all the air.

Colors Grounding

Notice a color around you, Name the item and keep looking for more of items of the same color for a few moments. Once you can’t find any more, look for a different colour until you notice feeling calmer.

Use of Water

Wash your hands in cold water. Be aware of how the water feels on your hands as it washes over them. Take note of the temperature of the water. Notice how it feels to have the water on your hands. Notice what it looks like.
Have a shower and notice the movement of the flowing water. Notice the temperature of the water. Breathe. Notice the suds as you clean yourself. Notice the smells from the soap.

5 Senses Grounding

Notice 5 things you can see around you. Say them out loud slowly.

Then notice 4 things you can feel with your sense of touch. Say it aloud or to yourself each thing you can feel.

Next listen for 3 things you can hear.

Then notice 2 things you can either smell or taste.

Finally think of one thing you can feel grateful for.

Notice now how you feel after doing this exercise. What’s that like for you.

For a guided 5 senses grounding do a search on Youtube.

Sitting or standing

If you are sitting down, become aware of what you are sitting on. Notice how it feels under you. Notice the temperature of what you’re sitting on. What’s the texture of the seat. Is it hard or soft, smooth, fluffy, hard.

For when you are standing, notice where you are. What does it feel like under your feet. Notice the texture of the surface you are standing on. Is it smooth, dirty, soft, hard.

Be with your Pet

Pets are great companions but did you also know they can help you feel grounded when you are with them? Try this to practice grounding with your pet.

Be with your pet. Notice their features, colors texture. Listen to their sounds. Do they pur, or pant? How do they feel to touch, are they warm, cool, soft, fluffy, rough etc. Do they have a smell of some kind? What’s your favorite thing about them.

For more information about how pets can help us with our mental health, read this.

Make a Cuppa

Make yourself a drink of either a cup of coffee, tea or hot chocolate.

Notice the sounds of the kettle as it boils. As you’re pouring the hot water into the mug or pot, notice the steam rising. Watch the water pour into the mug/cup/pot. Notice the smells of the drink you’re making. When you’re holding your cup or mug, wrap your hands around the mug and notice how it feels, smells. Be aware of the taste when you drink. Notice the movement of the liquid in your mug.

Final words

If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by anxiety and intense feelings, write a list of the techniques from above that resonate with you. Add it to your notes app on your phone or carry a list with you to remind you.of these grounding techniques to help with anxiety. Some will work sometimes, and at other times, different ones will work. The main thing is to engage in the strategies to allow them to work for you. Be kind to yourself.

Namaste

June 30, 2019August 13, 2019

What are the 4 Pillars of Well Being

The 4 Pillars of Well Being

Firstly let’s explore what wellbeing is. Wellbeing is acknowledging that we are a whole being so we need to consider our well being from a holistic perspective. An individual is more than just physical health and wellness. It considers and acknowledges the emotional, physical and social well being of a person. Well being describes essential parts that need to be met by ourselves that help us function at an optimal level. It is incorporates how we feel, cope, and manage our responses to life’s stresses. If any of the 4 pillars of well being aren’t met, we will tend to function at a reduced capacity and struggle.with lifes challenges.

Basic Needs

Through my observations as a counsellor working with complex client situations, mental illness, and abuse, I believe that pillars of well being need to be simple and meet one’s needs necessary to allow one to flourish. If the 4 pillars of well being listed below are met, then other areas of life can build and flourish.

However, if one of these areas are not met, it seems that one’s resilience is affected and ability to cope amidst stress is compromised. The individual is less able to work through the problem as effectively as if these pillars of well being are met.

In my view, pillars of wellbeing are where the needs of an individual are met before a sense of well being can be felt. Having these main areas of life met allows for the development of resilience and improved positive feelings can be experienced.

I have broken these up into Primary and Secondary PIllars of well being as if the primary pillars of well being aren’t met, then the secondary components also won’t be met until the primary ones have been.

4 Pillars of Well Being

Primary

Sleep

Sleep is essential for us humans. Without sleep, researchers have shown that we become delirious, hallucinate, can’t think straight and even put on weight.. We know how much babies need their sleep for their growing bodies but also to rest their senses from stimulus overload. The same is true for adults, if we don’t sleep, our bodies don’t produce the necessary hormones, and recovery that we need.

For example what if you haven’t been sleeping well for a few nights? How do you feel? Some people can manage on only a few hours, but over time, this can affect one’s mood and cognitive function, Without getting quality sleep, other areas of your life suffer. This shows how important sleep is. When our mood is affected, our well being is affected. It’s harder to cope with a stressful situation. If you are struggling to get quality sleep, check out these tips to help get you sleeping well.

Movement

Our bodies are designed to move. It’s that simple. During our evolution, we were on the move frequently. We would hunt, play, move around. Then we started living in communities, towns evolved, cities grew. As time progressed, we have become more sedentary. We are the most sedentary than we have ever been. We need to move to allow our muscles to do their job, help us get from one place to the next.

I’m not talking about running a marathon or even jogging, unless that’s what you enjoy. Movement can be walking, swimming, skating, pilates, stretching. It can be anything you enjoy that allows your body to move. Personally I have started doing taekwondo at the age of 44. Within a year, I’ve been able to get more height in my kick which I never thought would actually happen. When we do some form of exercise in particular, our bodies have this amazing effect where hormones are released that make us feel good. So there’s so much more to movement than just working up a sweat. It also helps with mental health.

Nutrition

The need to make healthy nutritional choices also has an effect on our well being. When a person doesn’t eat well, eats mostly processed and nutrient deficient foods, it affects the brain and the gut flora. This in turn affects how we feel physically and mentally. Health issues have been on the rise for decades at an alarming rate leading to obesity, Type 2 Diabetes, heart disease among numerous others. Research is increasingly finding that diets low in carbohydrates as effective for turning these health issues around. For more information on this click here. and here.

Social Connections

Through interacting with others you ensure you aren’t isolated and can talk through your experiences. Research shows that those who are socially isolated have a much higher incidence of mental illness than those who interact with others.

Having a sense of connection with others allows the nurturing of relationships and a sense of belonging.

It also allows us to share our experiences with others while also having someone to talk to if things are not so great. By engaging with social connections and relationships our emotional needs are also met. It’s important to talk to someone so that our minds aren’t going round and round in circles.

Through social connections we can also consider participating in our community. This also helps in connecting with individuals, while engendering a sense of being part of something bigger than yourself. It can also help build on your sense of altruism if you become a volunteer, participate and get involved.

Secondary

Once the above pillars of well being are met, then a natural progression is to focus on the following areas to support your well being.

Attention

Be present, practice mindfulness, reflect on your environment. Pay attention to your interactions, purposely doing what you do in a conscious way. Take notice of yourself in your space eg how you interact with others, how your body feels when breathing etc.. Taking notice allows you to broaden your awareness around you. Be fully present in your interactions and activities.

Ways to practice this includes:

Mindfulness
Breathing
Grounding using your 5 senses

Relax

Take time out for yourself. Self care and focus on ensuring you get some essential ‘me time’. If you give too much of yourself, you can get burnt out. If we allow our stress levels to build up, this will inevitably affect our sleep, physical health and emotional health which will impact the 4 pillars of well being. For help with learning how to relax try this program.

Connect with nature. This helps you be more aware of your surroundings increasing your ability to pay attention while also be present. Nature can have a calming effect on our senses and help ground us.

Find something that you get a sense of relaxation from. If you don’t have much time, listen to your favorite music and not do anything for at least 5 minutes. Stop and be. .

Attitude

With a negative perspective, it’s likely to influence how you respond to your environment which impacts how you feel. With the right attitude, we can conquer the world, however that looks to you. If you notice that you are thinking from a negative perspective, instead of berate yourself for doing this which becomes a vicious circle, reframe the negative into a positive. One way that can help you shift your focus to a more positive view is through thinking of something you are grateful for. Here’s a guide to the health benefits of gratitude.

Final words

When we look after ourselves from a holistic perspective, we can function at a higher level, achieve more, and feel more positive towards life and our way of being in it. .

Please share your thoughts of what you find are the pillars of well being for you below in the comments.

June 27, 2019July 3, 2019

What is a Self Care Plan and Why It’s Important

Have you given yourself much time to you lately? What does ‘me time’ mean to you? When we think about self care, we need to have a plan to be able to practice this idea of self care and incorporate it into our lives. Here we discuss what is a self care plan so we can nurture ourselves.

Self care is the number one thing that I believe is essential to our well being. Do you actively, consciously and purposefully do something that you would define as self care on a regular basis?

Self care can mean a lot of different things to many people.

Self care can be in the areas of physical, emotional, professional, spiritual, psychological and relationships.

Definition of Self Care

Let’s look at what self care might mean

The definition of self care is the practice of taking care of one’s well being and happiness especially during times of stress.

This means it needs to be purposeful and intentional action of doing something that you value as being something that nurtures your well being. It helps to manage how you feel especially during times of stress. It gives you some ‘me’ time to allow you to connect with yourself to restore your health.

The Importance of Self Care

When we don’t look after our needs and give ourselves time out, we can get burnt out from the exhaustion of the stress of our lives. Life can get hectic, stressful and busy. If we ignore our own needs and don’t look after ourselves, we won’t be able to keep doing what we’ve been doing. If anything it can make us sick if we don’t take time out for ourselves. Stress can build up. Being humans, we are also prone to not coping after an excessive amount of exposure to the stress in our lives. Our mental health will suffer.

One thing that I often remind my clients is, ‘how can you look after your family or kids if your health or mental health suffers?’ Realistically, we need to look after ourselves so that we can be available and of any help to support those around us. For ideas on how to manage stress have a look at my blog post

When we practice self care on a regular basis it helps to reduce anxiety and restores and uplifts one’s mood.

What is Self Care

Self care needs to be something you do that you feel is a self care action. If you do things that you don’t consider as part of a self care routine, then it won’t be a form of self care for you. It needs to be a conscious decision that you give your time and energy to creating intentional self care.
Set boundaries around what you don’t want to do. This is okay, give yourself permission to not check your emails, facebook, instagram for a set timeframe. Untether yourself and know what you don’t want to do as part of your self care routine.
Start with small things that feel like self care for you. Don’t over complicate it. Keep it simple, especially at the beginning of your self care routine creation.

What Self Care Isn’t

It’s ensuring you don’t force yourself to do something you’re not comfortable with.

It’s not selfish – many people think that doing something for ourselves can be perceived as selfish. This is definitely not the case.

Any addictive behaviours and substance taking. This might be a no brainer, but I’ve included this here, as for some people, they might consider having a wine or beer every night is a form of self care. It might be, but if this is something you do out of habit, or actually find very difficult to stop, consider this as a possible addiction. It’s not self care. Look into getting some support for this if it’s become an addiction.

Create Your Self Care Plan

Allocate time in your day to do at least one thing that you would consider as self care for yourself. Be consistent in practicing and putting this activity into action. It can be hard to change habits and create new ones. So be assertive with yourself so that you prioritise your needs to make sure you can nurture yourself and practice self love and compassion.
Are you the kind of person who needs to remind yourself what you need to do. Set yourself an alarm on your phone to set aside your ‘me time’ and make sure you put it into action.
Turn your phone and all other distractions off during your self care activity.
Let others know this is what you’re doing so you can be accountable for actioning them rather than putting it off and not making your self care a priority.
Be aware of what your self care activity is, why you’re doing it, how you feel when doing it and be purposeful when you practice it. This is key to ensuring you get benefits from doing self care.

How to Practice Self Care

Enjoyment

Think of the things you used to enjoy doing but haven’t had the opportunity or time to do for a while. What helps you feel good?

Exercise

Helps lift one’s mood due to the effects of neurotransmitters released aka serotonin. It doesn’t have to be intense, just get moving.

Consider doing:

Yoga
Tai Chi
Pilates
Walk your dog

as these activities are relaxing as well as grounding for your body. Your body needs to move as it’s one of the pillars of well being. That’s another post I will bring to you in the near future. For now, just know that movement is important.

Sleep

Develop good sleep patterns – get into a regular sleep routine. When we have good sleep, our health is improved, our body can produce the right hormonal balance. When we don’t get enough sleep, we can overeat simply due to not enough leptin being produced during the night which helps us with appetite suppression. More info on this here.

Social Support

Arrange a catch up with a supportive friend or someone you haven’t seen in ages. Nurture your social support networks.

Nutrition

Eat nutrient dense foods that fuel our bodies and allow our body to heal and do their job properly. When we eat processed foods and fast foods, we aren’t nourishing our bodies with nutritious foods which puts our physical health at risk. My suggestion is to cut out carbohydrates as increasing research shows how damaging burning glucose is on a long term basis. Find out more here.

Meditation and Relaxation

Learn how to simply sit for a few minutes a day and listen to your body and mind. Slow your breathing down and focus on your breath. Read through my previous post for ways to incorporate meditation into your daily routine.

Practice Mindfulness

When you notice that you’re thinking too much, it’s time to practice being mindful. Here’s an example… Simply sit where you are. Focus on your breathing and slow it down. Notice how your body moves as you breathe in, then again as you breathe out. Notice what you are thinking about and slow the thoughts down. Just notice that they are there without any judgement, they’re not good or bad, they are simply there. Keep breathing slowly. Pay attention to the things around you, their colours, movements, textures etc. If you notice thoughts, acknowledge them and be present with them. For a program that will guide you through mindfulness using a 7 minute approach try this program.

Get out in Nature

Go for a walk around your neighbourhood or find yourself a park to walk around in. If possible, go for a drive to a local nature reserve and breathe in the fresh air and connect with nature around you. Listen to the sounds, take in deep breaths and notice the smells. Do some gardening.

Do something you enjoy

Find something that you enjoy doing and do it for yourself. Be sure to allocate time to yourself and don’t allow your time to be interrupted. The list is endless. Here’s a few ideas to get you thinking. What appeals to one will be different to the next person.

Do some cooking
Make a cup of tea while practicing mindfulness
Crochet, knit or craft of some kind
Play an instrument
Sing like no one can hear you
Draw
Write in a journal
Dance
Get a massage or facial
Soak your feet in a foot spa
Have a relaxing bath in peace
Read a book that you have been wanting to read for ages

What ever you decide to do, do it regularly. Have purpose in your activity knowing that it’s your time. Give yourself an activity that you can feel and gets you in touch with who you are and what your interests are.

For your mental and emotional well being.

Tell me what you like to do as part of your self care plan. Leave in the comments below.

June 23, 2019July 6, 2019

The Healing Power of Gratitude – How it Helps

The Healing Power of Gratitude

Have you ever wondered how gratitude can make any difference? The healing power of gratitude is something that can often be misunderstood and unappreciated.

Seeing news events where refugees are displaced, war torn zones of Iraq, African civil wars, and closer to home child abuse, domestic violence, shootings, drug addiction among many other issues that people face, it’s hard to know how to deal with all of these sad events knowing that we are limited with our capacity to stop the pain. There are many ways we can show our love and compassion. Shifting our own energy and looking for volunteer opportunities and donation opportunities can help various groups around the world. I know we can’t change the whole world or donate to every charity we come across. What I’m suggesting here is simply considering our own fortune, privilege and what we have can help us be more aware and consider finding a purpose to give and show compassion within our capacity.

When we think about just how much we do have, this can help us build on our compassion for others, and opens us to considering others perspectives and circumstances. This helps build on kindness and love for each other. I know each person’s circumstances are different, but it’s also about perspective. While some might have the latest iphone and sports car, another person can appreciate and be grateful for a second hand phone and a car that gets them from A to B. You don’t have to have a big house, expensive clothes and the latest stuff. Simply thinking of what you do have can help you feel more thankful for your own circumstances and build on compassion for others.

What is Gratitude

Gratitude is the feeling of being thankful for what you have in your life. Both physical, psychological and spiritual. Gratitude can be for circumstances rather than material things. It is a feeling that produces longer lasting positive emotions which has a positive effect on behaviour. According to the Harvard Medical School is,

‘a thankful appreciation for what an individual receives, whether tangible or intangible. With gratitude, people acknowledge the goodness in their lives … As a result, gratitude also helps people connect to something larger than themselves as individuals–whether to other people, nature, or a higher power’.

How can it heal?

Healing here is in the sense of our mental health and well being. We are a whole person with physical, psychological, emotional and spiritual aspects. It is thought that our emotions can show themselves through our physical health too. According to the late Louise Hay when there is emotional disease, there is physical disease. One of her 100 quotes is, ‘my happy thoughts help create my healthy body’. Louise Hay believed that when we have negative emotions, they will show themselves in our physical body. So if you practice gratitude regularly, this can help heal your body as it can lift your emotions and help you practice self love and compassion.

Practicing gratitude can also increase feelings of love for those around us. This in turn increases our interactions with others, our energy and how we communicate. It also builds on our social connection with those around us.

Through gratitude or appreciation one can build on one’s spirituality and be grateful for breathing and being on this earth. It can be a rewarding feeling too.

It is based on giving of oneself in some way selflessly without expecting anything in return.

Either through positive thoughts or through positive interactions with others. This can heal social connections and nurture relationships. Being connected with others is essential to our general well being. Those without social connections struggle with their well being. As human beings we need to have social interactions of some kind. When we incorporate consciously building on increasing feelings of gratitude, we can build on our social connections with others, thus enhancing our personal well being.

Since gratitude can help boost one’s mood and create positive feelings, incorporating the practice of gratitude on a regular basis can be a strategy among various treatments to help support someone suffering from this complicated illness. Those who practice gratitude have also been shown to have a positive satisfaction to life.

What else can it do?

Gratitude can help to shift your mood. If you’ve ever found yourself feeling cranky or upset with something, it can be quite a challenge to shift those feelings. Especially if you feel hard done by, or that you’re not at fault for whatever the incident was. Instead, gratitude fosters positivity in those who practice it on a regular basis. Positivity has also been shown with improving one’s health through being able to make healthy choices.

I’ve even talked about this with my children as they often have lots of feelings including frustration. When we drive in the car, or sitting together on the lounge, it’s a good time for us to talk about and say at least one thing we each grateful for. This helps us bond with our children. It can also help them develop using gratitude as a strategy if they have a hard time with something they come across in their world.

Practicing gratitude can have a positive effect on our optimism.

Increased Happiness – Those who practice gratitude also feel happier within themselves. Research has also shown that this feeling lasts for a weeks.

Manifesting

Gratitude is often linked with manifesting something you want in life. This is based on physics where everything is energy. When one practices building on feelings of gratitude, one can manifest things they want in life. This might be in the area of improved friendships, attracting a partner, increasing wealth or improving health.

How to Practice Gratitude

Gratitude can be practiced in many different ways. Here’s a list of things that you can be grateful for just to get you started.

I am grateful for:-

a roof over my head
the career I have chosen
the support I have available to me
my health
my family
fabulous friends

These are just a few examples to get you thinking about the possibilities. I’m sure you can come up with numerous more, many and varied things that are relevant for you.

Journal: Some people find it helpful to write in a journal, either upon waking up, to start the new day or before going to bed. Both of these times help set up your mood for your day.

Before Sleep: What we think about before we go to sleep is very important as those thoughts get marinated for the next 8 hours. So practicing gratitude before going to sleep at night can help you have a restful, pleasant sleep and wake up in a positive mood.

Throughout the Day: On our way to work, driving, on the train or bus, we can practice and think about things we are grateful for.

When Feeling Stressed: When you notice your thoughts having a negative effect on your mood, it can help to think about something we are grateful for.

Guided Meditation: Some people like to practice gratitude with the help of a guided meditation. Here’s one of my favorite youtube people Jason Stephenson sharing his thoughts on gratitude.

I hope you have found some value in discovering the healing power of gratitude. What have you noticed when practicing gratitude yourself? Leave your comments below.